15th January

This afternoon, because it was such a hot day we decided to take the kids to the beach for a while. I have always been a massive fan of the water, but today was different. I think that every person on that beach was watching my every move, like I was some kind of beached whale.

I am sure that I am wrong but I guess for the first time I was aware of ME!

I have never been one to care what other people think of me as far as my size goes. I have always figured that they either accept it or go to hell. I dress appropriately for my size, I don't go showing off bits that should remain covered. Why was today different?

Maybe it was because Paul was over in the rock pools taking photos and not there by my side as my protector, or maybe it was just that because I am trying to do something about this that I am more aware of the perception of fat girls.

Regardless of that, I had my first weigh in this morning and I was astounded that I had not put all the weight back on that I started with 12 months ago.

Still a little bit edgy about blogging my actual weight but I figure that one day that I will only be embarrassed that I allowed myself to be this size and that I never did anything about it before and not necessarily about the numbers.

Can I get it under control and what will I look like a couple of dress sizes small... I don't know. I have been this size for the last 9 years at the very least. I did drop 1 dress size for a few months last year but old habits kicked into play and I was back where I started in no time.

This time is different. I have a new found confidence and want to do this so that my family is proud of me and so that they are also healthy and happy.

Until next time